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says what she feels..
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Finally got my computer fixed. I can play my Sims 2 now. Yipee!
Busy, busy this week. Whole week full of functions, got only one rest day. So sad. Also quite troubled, I feel like I'm stuck in a meaningless relationship with my BF. We are always quarreling lately about the most idiotic things. He keeps saying that either i don't give him 'satisfactory answers' or that I don't reply him at all. Please lor, he's working office hours. He always likes to message right after that when I have to start work already. And when I'm done, it's too late to message him back. We've drifted too far apart. He's super possessive, doesn't like my job cause he doesn't get to spend time with me. Everything's always about him. How I always have to accomodate him. Blaming me for not being with him whenever he feels like it. And he wants me to quit my job. What am I supposed to survive on? The oxygen in the air? I'm sick and tired of his snide remarks.
He says he wants to marry me and have LOADS of children. What does he take me for? A mother pig? He doesn't care about what I want. He's picky about his job, always complaining about his pay and all that crap. Hey, if you want to be paid more, then work harder. If you are not happy, then just quit. Stop whining. Seriously, he has no ambition at all and can't tell me what he wants to do with his life after NS. How do you expect me to spend the rest of my life with him? It's not that I want to put up with this nonsense. I tried breaking up with him a while back and he begged me not to. Crying. It turned me off even more. Am I wrong to take him back? Giving him false hope? I felt so guilty, not only for making him resort to this kind of actions, also for betraying my own feelings. Cause I no longer feel anything for him. I'm meeting him on Monday, our first anniversary. I nearly forgotten about it until he asked me out. I think it's an indication of how much I don't care anymore. Do you think it will be a bad thing if I choose to break up on that day? Or carry on being miserable?
And the complicating thing is that now I like this guy (N) at my workplace. He can't be anymore different from my BF. One thing: he's super smart. Engineering student at NUS leh. Don't play play. He just happened to come along at a bad time. We already knew each other only by sight, it has been donkey years since we did a function together. Someone-who-shall-not-be-named organised a KBox outing a while back. We ended up singing a lot of duets together. Don't ask me why. I ended up with a serious bout of flu due to the place having the climate of Antartica. I was in a blur by the time the next day came, where I had a whole day of work before me. Needless to say, I did almost everything wrong. I was at a new low, if that was possible. N was there too, setting up for his own function. He came over and helped me pick up the pieces. I suppose any feelings I had for him before changed that day. He was so nice and sweet. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions at that time. A guy can be nice, sweet and caring to a girl who is not his GF. Hey, such guys do exist. By the way, he's single. And I suspect someone else likes him. Just pure speculation at this point.
Later that same day, his good pal came and talked to me about some work-related stuff. My godmother in GWPH saw us and actually shouted to N that the guy was trying to get my number or something. He gave some ambigous answer and looked at me straight in the eyes as if he was trying to tell me something. The atmosphere became weird. And when his other good pal (who's an ass by the way) saw me showing up for work and cheered at something (What the hell was going on?).
Monday: I was partnered with a future hotshot lawyer from NUS (what's up with all these Uni guys?) who didn't really know the ropes that well, or rather, he's just not moving fast enough. We were in seriously big trouble by the time the sacond course came around. The lawyer was well, already slow and I was held up because I was helping him and trying to rescue both of us. N was the runner on the floor that day. He actually abandoned his duties and helped us. So sweet! Then Big Hotshot Lawyer screws up big time and I got a huge scolding from N. Seriously, I keep getting mixed signals from him. After the whole thing blew over, he was Mr Nice Guy again. ~Sigh~ Sometimes I don't know what to think.We were slowly progressing to the stage where we are outright flirting with each other. Yesterday, he stole my stuff from right under my nose. Wasn't angered or anything but I tugged on his jacket. It was just horsing around. Anyway, he being much taller and stronger (Gone through NS) than me, got away easily (Damn it!). I was kind of panting by that time. Some idiot who saw the whole thing went: Stop flirting already, you're blushing. OMG, I almost died of embarassment there and then.
I should really stop gushing now. I sound like a 14 year old (the good old days).Labels: BGR, GWP
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